Nothing jokes
A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970, and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband.
She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.
Wait, what? Was he actually her husband?
He was a Christian, so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.
Wait, what? The Bible doesn't say that.
Actually yes, it does, and marital rape was legal until 1990.
WAIT WHAT? That's not funny.
I'll tell ya what's funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.
What’s twelve inches and white?
Nothing.
What's the difference between a girl eating Taco Bell and doing sex a few times? Nothing. Something always comes out.
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, he just waved.
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
What's the difference between a Christian and a child who believes Santa exists?
Nothing. They both believe in fairytales!
In the morning at 6:30 AM,
Teacher: Who fought in World War I?
Me: Trump & Biden.
Teacher: Oh ok... well good job class, see you tomorrow and study your books.
After school,
Teacher: Oh God those kids know nothing.
"She looks at her clock."
Teacher: And now I am sewed.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What is the difference between an orphan and a homeless person? Nothing, haha.
An old Indian was buried on the side of a hill. What did he say?
Nothing, he was dead.
I got nothing.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.
Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you haven't told her twice.
Man: How do you prepare your chicken?
Waiter: Nothing special, we just tell them they’re going to die.