Nothing Jokes

Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing why?

Zozo the hobo is a hobo is a hobo remember he doesn’t have any money

What do you call a sad Doge? What? Nothing but Sarrrooooddd!

Did you hear about that cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie!

Roses are red violets are blue polo G. is the goat but that means nothing to you

I fed some Chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.

whats the difference between my dad cumming and cancer. nothing they both stain

you know why I have so low IQ? its because the left side of my brain gets nothing right and the right side of my brain has nothing left

This man came up to me and asked if i could sell my house to him and i said sure then five days later he said that the loan should came in the mailbox then i checked the mail box and the only thing i saw was nothing so i told the guy DEEZ NUTS IN YOUR MOUTH

What did cermet the frog say at Jim Henson's funeral?

Nothing...

Him: What's The Difference Between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?

Her: What?

Him: Nothing, Either way you will be dating your Cousin

The school shotter when the cops show up be like:

Aint nothing gunna break my stride, aint nothing gunna hold me down. Oh oh. Ive got to keep on moving.

Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.

Today there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there. When he was done, he had realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags „We have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!“. Trump goes on „Six weeks? That’s nothing. I have the best submarines, they‘re underwater für at least three months!“. Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - „Heil Hitler! We need Diesel.“

Kid: I'm hungry Dad Bot: hi hungry, I'm dad Teenager: I'm t l e r did nothing wrong Dad Bot: hi t l e r did nothing wrong, I'm dad Nazi: finally

There’s nothing funny about orphans, right?

Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humour.

An LDS preacher knocks on the door with a chalice of wine offering to do the sacrement

The person living there points and says, "begone fowl blood-drinker"

And promptly the preacher bursts into flames leaving nothing but ash.

Man we all have the one cool sibling then the strong sibling and then you the one who plays on there iPad on computer all day then when you are on vacation you are doing nothing at all