Nothing jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
This will calm u down rn
What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
Roses are red, Epstein's face turned blue.
Trump's on that list, And there's nothing he can do.
What did the chicken say to the turkey?
Nothing, he chickened out!
What do depression and suicide have in common?
Nothing, they're both hanging.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you haven't told her twice.
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)
Nothing makes a guy happier than when his girlfriend says, “Go and lock the door first...”
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
What is your name? What am I pointing at? 👃🏽 And what am I holding? Hahaha!!!!! Knows nothing.
What’s the difference between the twin towers and your parents?
Nothing, they are both just memories.
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange."
So I replied, "No, it doesn't."
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."