Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
A: Nothing! He was hung over.
What do you call a dog without legs?
Nothing, it won't come either way.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.
What did the beachgoers in North Carolina say when there was a tsunami?
Nothing, they died.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
What did the sunglasses say to the banana?
Nothing, sunglasses can’t talk.
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
What did the orphan say to his father?
Nothing, he doesn't have one.
A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.
To not be outdone, the blond retorts:
"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."
Daughter: Dad, why did Mom do best?
Dad: Nothing, except pretend to love us and leave.
Daughter: So she only loves my sister?
Dad: Yep.
Trump's medical records were just released. According to the brain scan, the left side of his brain has nothing right, while the right side has nothing left.
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
Stop it, Superman is stupid, ugly, and nothing.
God help me, please!
What did my grandpa say after he kicked the bucket?
Nothing, I unplugged his life support before he said a word.
If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.
Roses are red, chocolate is brown,
I expect nothing and still get let down!
