New Nothing Jokes - Page 16 - Worst Jokes Ever

There is nothing funnier than my life. (Evan 2020)

What’s the difference between Santa and an orphan? Nothing; they don’t have parents.

What did the Joker say to Harley Quinn?

Nothing.

Nothing lasts long these days!

As Confucius says, "Hare today, gone tomorrow!"

You meet the guy who invented 0, what do you tell him? Thanks for nothing!

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

What's an orphan's favorite food? Nothing, they can't afford it.

My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.

She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.

I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!

What is so good about a dog that cannot see? Nothing is good.

What do you call a sad Doge?

What?

Nothing but Sarrrooooddd!

What do you do when you see a sad orphan?

Nothing, let them wait for their parents.

What’s the difference between an onion and a photo of a dead relative? Nothing, they both make you cry when you look at it.

What did the shoe say to the other shoe?

Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.

What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow?

Nothing, it was feeling blue.

Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?

Me: Seeing others happy.

Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?

Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.

Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.

Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...

Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?

Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.

I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.

... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.

What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, he just waved.

An alien walks into a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him, and the alien touches his shoulder.

The man says, "Do that one more time and I'll run you over." The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says, "Do that again and I'll chop your dick off." He touches him again. The man pulls the alien's pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.