Not jokes
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
A woman exclaims that she was robbed. She was reading in the dark, candles were next to her. She says the thief opens her cabin of jewelry and leaves and enters from the window. He left the window open so she feels a drift of wind coming towards her. She turns the lights on and sees what happened.
The candle wax was going down straight. A policeman closes the window and cabin then tells her she's lying just for the cash reward. Why?
Because if the drift of wind came in, the candle wax would be dripping to the side, not straight!
You may not like me, but you still look up to me.
Wanna hear a paper joke? You know what, probably not because it’s TEAR-able! :/
What do you call a blind German?
A Nazi (not see).
What did the rapper say to his broken pencil?
"You're just not SHARP enough for my lyrics!"
Not even the FBI knows where an orphan's parents are.
Stephen Hawking walking, oops, he does not do that anymore.
Peyk 47 said that Kobe Bryant is not a legend, but he is.
Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!
My girlfriend is growing watermelons, not in the ground though (we had fun that night)!
Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
Why did the orphan have to go to public school? He could not be home-schooled.
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
Are you gay? "No." Oh, so you're not happy? "No." Oh...
Asian kid: I’m not a doctor, and I’m not good at math.
Me: That’s what I call an orphan!
I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.
I was sitting in class, and the teacher said he wasn't disappointed in me and my best friend, but not so much in me.
I looked at my best friend and said, "I'm a disappointment to the teacher, too."
Once Jimmy was minding his own business, then he hears his mom come home. He asked, "Where have you been?" She replied with, "I was at work," yet he knew his mom did not have work. So the next day, while heading to school, he gets a phone call saying his mom is pregnant, and they want to try their device, and they need the baby's dad to say if it's alright.
What's big and round?
Mine and not yours.