Not jokes

Child

What do you call a happy child swinging with her friends at recess?

Not Sally.

Chess

Why can Michael Jackson not play chess? Because he can't pick which side he is on, the white or black side.

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  • Number

    Why is 6 afraid of 7?

    It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.

    Memes

    Orphan

    What do you call a boomerang that does not come back?

    An orphan's parents.

    Dad

    Why hasn't my dad come back? No seriously, I'm not joking.

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  • Milkman

    A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labor. The doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father. They agree, so the machine is used. 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not feeling anything, 100%, nothing.

    The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

    Nazi

    Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?

    Consideration

    After long consideration, I've decided to get a zebra tattoo on my wrist. Not like anyone will notice the difference.

    Attitude

    "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Jack Sparrow

    Marriage

    Dad: Son, who do you want to marry when you grow up?

    Son: A ugly girl.

    Dad: Why not a pretty girl?

    Son: A pretty one might run away.

    Dad: So an ugly one might too.

    Son: Yeah, but who cares?

    People

    People claim that Trump has Russian ties. That’s not true, just some crazy conspiracy theorists. All of Trump's ties are made in China.

    Sex

    How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

    Tattoo

    Friend: Did your tattoos hurt?

    Me: Nah, not really.

    Friend: What did they feel like?

    Me: 7th grade.

    Friend: 😶😶😨😰😰😰😨

    Titanic

    A wild Iceberg appears! Titanic uses ram! It is not very effective. (Titanic sinks.)

    Mother

    A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.

    So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"

    The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"

    The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."

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