Not jokes
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
Why do orphans not like Family Guy? Because they have family.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, April, who created the universe?” When April didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. “GOD ALMIGHTY!” shouted April and the teacher said, “Very good,” and April fell back asleep.
A while later the teacher asked April, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But, April didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “JESUS CHRIST!” shouted April and the teacher said, “very good,” and April fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked April a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, “IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!” The Teacher fainted.
How many fingers am I holding? I'm not holding any fingers.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar!
Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"
Q: What gun does Africa not have?
A: Water gun.
Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.
It's the Olympics.
Q) Why did the man decide not to run in his race? A) Because of Olympiad.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way.
Maybe my budding career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!
Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.
Teacher: Why not?
Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.
A lady comes into the boys' bathroom and a boy sees her.
"This is not a girls' bathroom," he says.
She answers, "I don’t care," she says, "I NEED TO PEE!"
Why do orphans cry alone?
They do not have a mom's lap to sit on and a shoulder to cry on.
A "monster" that has 2 heads, 2 bodies, 6 feet, why am I not afraid of the "monster"? It's my dad riding a horse.
They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
Well, they're not laughing now!
jacethehater, you are a hater, and it needs to stop! Waterhsharky is very nice to people, so leave him alone for whatever he/she did or did not do. He did not do nothing. So leave him/her alone. Plus, making threats to people is very bad, and comments can be seen everywhere! So don't get too cocky with everything.
A dark sense of humor is like a pair of functioning legs. Not everybody has one.
Kid: Knock, knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Kid: Not your parents.
HEY D.K. date ME, not that weirdo Freshfry! I LOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVEEEEEE UUUUUUUUUUU D.K. Let's DATE! I'm 13 ;)