Not jokes
When is a door not a door?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they do not know where home is.
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.
Bully: You are a piece of shit.
Person: No, I'm not a piece, and I'm not brown... so no, honey.
Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?
Why does an orphan always get the newest iPhone?
Because so he does not have a home button.
Why do so many kids die in school shootings? Because you're not allowed to run in the corridors.
Why is it that the Libertarian Party never had a formal president of the United States that ran as a Libertarian that had a presidential library?
Because the Libertarian Party is the party of principle. The Libertarian Party was founded in 1971 and the Libertarian Party has not won a presidential election since 1972, because the Libertarian Party doesn't believe in using force to achieve political and social goals.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
The point of war is not to die for your country, but to make the fresh recruit on the enemy's side die for his.
Why did the clown not attack Mike? Because they bouncee.
"Knock, knock."
"Orphan: Who's there?"
"Not your parents."
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
It's not like they're going to tell their parents.
Dad: What's the difference between an ELEPHANT and a POSTBOX?
Son: I don't know.
Dad: I'd better not trust you with my post then.
"Ur Grandma" You think you're funny? Well, sorry, but you're not.
Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.
Jokes are like food.
Not everyone gets it.
A paradigm are so bad, go away from fast and fast and faster than a rabbit. Once upon a time there was a rabbit who teased a tortoise. The tortoise challenged the rabbit to a race. The race began and the rabbit ran fast as the tortoise walked slow. The rabbit thought the tortoise could not come here so slow, so he decided to take a nap. As he took a nap, the tortoise walked past through him and soon the rabbit woke. He ran as fast as he could, but when he came to the end, the rabbit saw the tortoise and then the rabbit never teased the tortoise again.
Why do orphans not play sport?
Because they need parents' permission.
Why did the fire not burn the kid? Because it had no lips.