**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, "After this last drink, I'm going to the roof to kill myself." A guy sitting next to him says, "I wouldn't do that if I were you.", in which the man replies, "Oh yeah?" So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says "You're not gonna die, watch this!" He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says "Cool, let me try!", and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says "Superman, you're an asshole."
I called prank called someone saying SON! ITS ME SON! IM COMING FOR YOU!!! my friend next to me asked who i was calling and I said the orphanage
If you run next to a car you get TIRED, but if you run behind it you get EXHAUSTED
Ill be here all week.... sadly enough for you.
yo mama so tall she was next to Neil Armstrong on the moon
What did niki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?
Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you.
The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks "so you don't miss fried chicken."
Joe mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everybody Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said one at a time please Joe mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said to be continued
cemeteries should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents
Which country is next to USA? USB
in america 1 in 10 houses there are a paedophiles
not me i live next to a smoking hot 8 year old
Helicopter, Helicopter Kobe Bryant in my chopper Sitting next to burning daughter Lots of smoke and little laughter
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar of ten dollar bills so he asks the bartender if its a jar of tips. The bartender says no, its for a bet. So the man asks what the bet is and the bartender says, well if you put ten dollars into the jar then knock out the bouncer, next you go outside and remove a rotten tooth out of the rottweiler's mouth, and last you go upstairs and give an orgasm to the fat lady who has never had one. If you can do all those things then you get everything in the jar as well as free drinks for the month. So the guy puts in ten dollars, turns to the guy next to him and knocks him out with one punch. Then the guy continues outside, all you hear for an hour is screaming and whining from the dog, when all is silent the man walks in and asks, so where is the fat lady with the tooth?
Your mama so fat when she went to the movies she sat next to everyone
Yo mama so fat when she sits down she sits next to everyone
A guy and his girl just finished making love. Just as they lay next to each other, the girl asks "Have you thought about any baby names?". The guy then takes his condom off and ties it, and says "Well propably David Copperfield, if he gets out of this"
My dad died in 911 and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane next to soul plane
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree, Too bad only one was standing. :)
-Dark_Humor
I live next to a kindergarten and yesterday they had a fire drill. It was kinda weird because normally it's me who has a drill around little children.
