News Jokes

I saw a helicopter fly. Next minute, I knew Kobe was on the news.

I got a new Lego airplane set from my friend... oddly, there were also two towers included in the box as well.

Why are New Yorkers scared of airplanes?

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Hi, I'm new to this website, please follow.

Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”

Johnny: “A new bike!”

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

Just remembering the day when the Jets beat the New York Giants.

I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.

Apple made a new product for Chinese people called the iOpener.

Why did the 2 4s skip lunch? They already 8! Jahshshs.

And how did the pirate know that she saw land? She was shore of it! If u get it leave a like. Hahahahaha and which thing was heavier, a feather or steal? It's they way the same amount 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 🙃 😄 🤣 😂 😅 😆 Lol like

There were 5 people on an airplane.

1. The pilot 2. The businessman 3. The Minister 4. The school child 5. The Smartest person in the world

The plane takes off, a good, solid 1 hour in. The pilot comes out and says, "OK guys, I have good news and bad news."

"Bad News is the plane is gonna crash. The good news is that I have 4 parachutes."

The pilot says to his passengers, "Well I'm a pilot, I fly planes. People depend on me!" Took a parachute and went out.

The businessman stands up and says, "Well I'm a businessman, I run companies!" Took a parachute and went out.

The smartest person in the world stands up and says, "I'm the smartest person in the world. No one is smarter than me!" Took a parachute and went out.

Now the minister says to the school child, "Well God has given me a good life. I want you to take the last parachute," and the school child has a massive smile on her face and starts laughing all of the sudden and the minister says, "Why are you smiling?! We're about to die!!!!"

And the school child says to the minister, "Well actually [we're] not gonna die because there are still 2 parachutes left because the smartest person in the world just took my school bag!"

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!

Like if you laugh.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

I saw a helicopter on January 26, 2020. Then Kobe was on the news.

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

"My name is Walter Hartwell White. I live at 308 Negra Arroyo Lane, Albuquerque, New Mexico, 87104."

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"