Newness jokes

A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form contains only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?

Ground beef.

Adin, you should consider eating pencil lead, you fat cat lover, only if you're the new Adin from FF though xoxo da babby.

What did Vegeta say to Bulma?

What?

Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

Hey! Guess what? I created a new word!

Plagiarism!

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.

What is the similarity between an orphan and the new Spider-Man movie, "There's No Way Home"?

"Joe Biden's mom is so fat, she's very fat folks, she's so fat I'm gonna use her to build my new wall"-Trump

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.

Okay, is this the new thing, saying "Gwen" in your "joke," then people will comment and you can make more friends? If so, then I really need to be saying "Gwen" more in my "jokes or chats."

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.

Did you hear about the new doggy condos?

Apparently they are now releasing!

Person 1: "Hey, I created a new word!"

Person 2: "What is it?"

Person 1: "Plagiarism!"

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

The death of JFK must have splattered on the news.