Newness jokes

Okay, is this the new thing, saying "Gwen" in your "joke," then people will comment and you can make more friends? If so, then I really need to be saying "Gwen" more in my "jokes or chats."

New Windex ad:

You should get Windex for that dirty mind!

You can give a hockey team airplane a new source of heating, but it went too far on September 7th, 2011, when the Yaroslavl plane crash happened.

Just got a new internet connected toaster. It wouldn't work until I enabled pop-ups!

New groupchat??

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In your presence, my love, Every moment feels new.

Hi, I'm new here.

Why didn’t the autistic boy like Minecraft?

There was a new texture pack.

ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.

Head and Shoulders!

NEWS: A man kidnapped a 13-year-old girl.

MOM OF GIRL: The man had a shady face and a receding hairline.

Osama bin Laden

Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!

If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?

Idaho... Alaska!

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.

The death of JFK must have splattered on the news.

Confusion life question!!!

* Can you cry underwater? * Do fishes ever get thirsty? * Why don't birds fall out the tree when they sleep? * Why is a building called that when it's already built? * When they say dog food is new and improved, who tastes it?

I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.

Did you hear about the new doggy condos?

Apparently they are now releasing!

Person 1: "Hey, I created a new word!"

Person 2: "What is it?"

Person 1: "Plagiarism!"

I asked Daveon if he ever considered trying something new, and he replied "why fix what ain't broke?"