Worst Jokes Ever

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?

Yeah, it went on and on.

What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?

Winston Churchill.

Gnome.

Why are dogs different than orphans?

Because dogs don't cry for their parents.

Imagine this: You're at math class. The teacher asks you, "What's 11 * 11?" You say, "120." The teacher says, "Wrong!" You say, "How off was I?" The teacher says, "1."

Me rn: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE WHERES THE RAGE TABLE or something like that.

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.

I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?

On Black Friday!!!

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.

How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.

We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"

Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Because two wrongs don't make a white.

How do you start a rave in Africa? Stick a pizza onto the ceiling.

Why did you say hi?

Because you wanted to.

Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.

Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.

Husband: The second we entered the beach,

Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"