Worst Jokes Ever
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.
We should stop being mean to orphans.
We should be cruel instead.
What did Stephen Hawking see before he died?
The blue screen of death.
What do you call a pregnant slave?
Buy 1 get 1 free.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
What cookie has an orphan never had?
Homemade.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.
If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.
Q: What did the late cannibal get when he got to the party?
A: A cold shoulder.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They can't run home.
What is an orphan’s least favorite children’s game?
House.
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
What's an orphan's second favorite movie?
Home Alone 2.
I wondered if becoming a furry could help me escape my crippling depression...
Unfortunately, the veterinarian insisted that he still wasn't going to euthanize me.
White girl: So this crystal cures my depression and helps me lose weight?
Me holding a rock of meth: YES!!!
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.