Worst Jokes Ever
Stolen dad jokes: "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."
Does that dick match that forehead? 👀
Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.
Are you a sports car? Because you give my heart quite a rush!
You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.
Q: What do you call a Chinese Billionaire?
A: Cha-ching!
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"
A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"
The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."
The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
I feel like the Twin Towers, I’m broken.
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
What do you call intelligent people in America?
Tourists.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at the hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a strip club and got paid to keep her clothes on.
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
Teacher: Hey Timmy (the quiet kid), what comes after X?
The quiet kid: Splosion.
Teacher: What comes after A?
The quiet kid: AK-47.
Teacher: Faints.
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
Yo mama's so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for burgers and fries.