Worst Jokes Ever
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It's some weird number. You probably never heard of it.
What is it called when the gynecologist slanders your grandfather?
A pap smear.
I was going to join the debating team.
... but someone talked me out of it.
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
What is the name of the bear capital?
Koala Lumpur.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
What do you call a Jamaican proctologist?
Pokémon!
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
What's a ghost's favorite drink?
Ghoul-aid!
I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"
Jesus seemed like he was probably a good guy; healed the sick, fed the hungry, and gave good advice.
Jesus had only one flaw: he was always hanging around.
Why was the computer late to work?
Because it had a hard drive!
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
What's the difference between PMS and a terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.
How did the octopus go to the war?
Well armed.
How do you make an octopus laugh?
You give it ten tickles.
Where do kittens go on a field trip?
The meowseum.