What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
Worst Jokes Ever
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
For pedophiles, watching teen porn must be like watching mature porn.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg?
Eileen.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
Why did Marx never drink Earl Grey?
Because proper tea is theft.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
I've just started reading my first ever Braille horror story, and I think that something scary is about to happen. I can feel it.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."
What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
- There's 20 of them.
What do you call a group of letters that like to dance but make you want to poop?
A vowel movement.
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
My life.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
