What do you call a plane with no wings?
Sally.
I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she didn't have any arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
What's the difference between a car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a car in my garage.
I met a rock the other day. He was a very gneiss guy.
What do you call a disabled Asian?
Sum Ting Wong.
Stephen Hawking + Computer = SMART!
Stephen Hawking + Shoulder = HUNGRY!
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?
Hot Wheels.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
What would Stephen Hawking do to get drunk?
Overcharge himself.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?
People don't eat their broccoli.
When Stephen Hawking was feeling hungry, he used to call in to his local PC World for a megabyte and some microchips.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
What's the best part about dead baby jokes?
They never get old.
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
Stephen Hawking couldn't take the stairway to Heaven, he had to take the lift.
What’s made of wood and is zig zag shaped?
Stephen Hawking's coffin.
