Worst Jokes Ever
What did the bull say when he went to college?
Bison!
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.
Why?
So it would cut itself.
I like my women how I like my wine.
14 years aged and locked in a cellar.
My favorite Pixar film: Wall-E.
Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
I asked my zombie boyfriend, "Does he have a brain?" Because he's stupid asf.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with flat armbands!
There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.
My friend made a joke about dogs. I said it was a RUFF joke.
My friend made a joke about a dog. I said it was a "RUFF" joke.
Donald Trump has too much sand in his vagina.
The ocean didn't start smelling like fish until women started swimming in it.
Tushar’s Fortnite skills.
What's the good thing about fucking 21 year olds?
There's twenty of them!
Maybe the ocean is salty because the land never waves back.
Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.
Not done yet.
Now they are.
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."