Worst Jokes Ever

Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?

It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.

How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.

Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"

Stephen Hawking died because he accidentally lost his bluetooth connection.

When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Hands down, syndromes are bad.

What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?

The look on their face when you're nailing them.

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

"Nahtzee"

What do you call a white man in court?

SUPERIOR!

All these oranges, but you're still the one for me.

Person 1: "Hey, I created a new word!"

Person 2: "What is it?"

Person 1: "Plagiarism!"

My heart is like a plane.

It crashes every once in a while.

Hey updog!

What's updog?

(Laughter)

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Aarghraawa."

What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?

A Sandy Hook.

What did the guy with no teeth say to a blind guy... "How many fingers am I holding up?"

Justin: Hey.

Josh: Hey man.

Justin: Why only "man"?

Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.

Justin: I don't mind.

Josh: Okay, S L A V E.

Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!

Children should never run with scissors, and lesbians should never scissor with the runs.