Worst Jokes Ever
Stephen is lucky he doesn’t need a vibrator.
He’s got himself.
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
Yo mama so ugly, Bloody Mary handed her an application through the mirror.
Walking's a chore, let alone crawling.
Why is Earth flat?
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."
When an asteroid is coming to kill us all:
98.9% of the population: OMG, we're all gonna die!
1% of the population: Eh... I never had any friends anyway.
Alia: ROLL THE INTRO!
What was the epileptic chef’s house special?
Seizure salad.
Sans
Why are most firefighters men? Because they like to find hot places and leave them wet.
Tuxedos suit you.
I wanna go to Antarctica, but then I got cold feet.
What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?
"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."
Why did Snow White get kicked out of Disneyland?
She sat on Pinocchio's face and said: "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?
Duhhuuughhhr.
Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?
The bus driver hit Sally.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
What's worse than ten dead babies nailed to one tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.