Worst Jokes Ever
An obese, depressed mother is trying to tie a noose, but can't reach it, so she calls her son for help.
*A few minutes later*
son: There.
mother: Where did you learn to tie such a good noose?
son: Dad showed me before he died.
mother: DAMN HIM TO HE- *slips and the noose chokes her to death*
Ahhhhhhhhhh, ma bored.
What does a grape do if a rhino is about to squash it?
Nothing, it just lets out a little wine.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar, I got 12 months.
Why couldn't the carrot go to his friend's house?
Because he was grounded.
Q. What sound does a sleeping T-Rex make?
A. A dino-snore.
Q: Why do Skeletons hate the cold?
A: It sends chills up their spine.
Age is just a number.
Police are just people.
Jail is just a room.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
Me: "I like kids."
The first windmill said to the second, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The second windmill said, "I'm a big metal fan!"
Two whales went to a bar.
The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh." The second whale said, "Greg, I think you're drunk, let's go home."
A guy walks into a bar. He sees a hot girl. He walks up to her and says, "You're getting laid tonight." She replies, "What are you, some sort of psychic?" He says, "No, I'm just stronger than you."
Everything.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
He doesn't know where home is.
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?
One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.
What's the difference between a five-year-old and a Democrat?
The five-year-old doesn't expect you to do everything for them.
(Vote for Ted Cruz, Ben Shapiro 2020)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
For absolutely no reason.