What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
In a normal country, they have lemonade. In Soviet Russia, they have Leninade: "Refresh yourself with a cold war."
Roses are red, chocolate is brown,
I expect nothing and still get let down!
What is the difference between your new teacher and a train?
Your teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Choo Choo!"
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
'cus there was only a stairway to heaven!
What do windows have in common with my wife's legs? They're easy to open.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the Wi-Fi cord.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"
All Asians look the same.
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
Year 10 English.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
How can you tell if a gay guy has a high sperm count?
Chew when you swallow!
I told my friend that someone accused him of blowing dead bears. I said I defended him by responding that I saw 1 get up and walk away.
What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?
The cops had to comb the area.
Where do alien cows come from?
- The Milky Way.
