A paraplegic walks into a bar...
It's funny because he can't walk.
When the Mexican wanted to go shopping,
he went to Ja-mall.
Capitalism.
People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.
There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.
Jack and Jill went up the Jill so Jack could lick Jill's fanny, but Jack had a shock with a mouthful of cock because was actually a tranny.
What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples actually get picked.
I made a website for orphans, but sadly it didn't have a home page.
A truck carrying Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours straight.
Six shila.
So I went to my friend's funeral today. As we were all leaving, a kid put a "get well soon" card next to my friend's grave. 'Poor kid'.
What do you call a person that guards a Samsung store?
A Guardian Of The Galaxy :)
Sans, you lazybones, get up and do something.
Sans: I am doing something.
Papyrus: Oh yeah, what?
Sans: Thinking up a skele-ton of jokes.
Papyrus: SANSSSsSsSsSssSsSSsSsSsSSsSSsSsSsS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will end you.
Sans: What, does someone not have a funny bone? Oh wait, do you have a bone to pick with me? I have 206.
Two towers.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"
He says, "What's it to ya?"
So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"
Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
At my sample place, I handed my wife a fork and I lost my job.
Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.
Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
