My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
What's yellow all over and can't swim?
A school bus full of children.
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
One of the reasons the skeleton was not allowed to play church music is because he had no organs.
Q: What was Hellen Keller's favorite game as a kid?
A: Musical chairs.
Statistically, 1 in 10 people live next door to a pedophile. But not me, I live next to a 10-year-old boy with a fat ass.
"Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains!" "What's wrong with me!" "Calm down, calm down. Just pull yourself together!"
What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.
How did steven hawkings die ? His wifi discconected
Which legendary Dutch wanderer slept for twenty years, except when he got up to pee?
Rip Van Tinkle.
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something :D
What is a fat boy's favorite karate move?
A pork chop.
What do you call a weak, beta, tall and dumb kid? A banana.
But if you're vegan, you call him food.
If you're poor, you eat the skin.
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.
What did the orphan get for Christmas?
Lego figures from his friend, but they ran away too.
Corn and corn, where is popcorn?
Why did Sally get a black eye?
Because she tried to play patty cake.
I'm a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.
Remember that 18 year old girl I set you up with?
Why not?
Too old.
Question: Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Answer: Tequila
