Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
What do you get when you have 10 chicken nuggets and little Jimmy tries to take one?
10 chicken nuggets and a dead little Jimmy.
What do you call a chicken with no legs? Ground chicken 🤣💀🐔 Get WRAY'DDDDD!
What is an obese lady's blood type?
Nutella.
What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.
Once I was 7.
Why are Deepika Amar's jokes so shit?
Because he is a smelly cunt.
I'd make a joke about an obese person, but it won't work out.
Paper.
Aww c'mon! I thought my joke made the cut!
It looks like your face was lit on fire and someone tried to extinguish it with a hammer!
I was remembering the time when I lost my brother, only until I heard that hide and seek wasn't the best idea, especially in a secluded parking lot in downtown.
Here in IHOP, we serve pancakes, not pie cakes. If so, we can always bring in a chart that will power the customer. His smile will remain at its current form, and police surely resisted when I said the word "surely."
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
Are you a volcano? Because you're hot and I really lava you!
That one awkward moment you have to go ask your Chinese neighbor if they've seen your dog.
Q: How do you know an Asian person was in your house?
A: Your homework is done, breakfast is made, and your cat is gone.
Don't you hate it when you do the dishes, but then you realize it wasn't the dishes?
"I had a great day today." "Why?" "Because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table and the teacher screamed, 'Allison how would you like it if I banged you on the table?'"
That awkward moment you try to relate to Batman by killing your parents.
