Worst Jokes Ever
I lost all faith in humanity. I am moving to Uranus; it's really big. I might get lost.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the retard's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.
One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"
He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"
Who is better than Alabama?
CLEMSON TIGERS!
How do you get Dick from Richard?
You ask nicely.
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
I thought my wife was joking when she said she was gonna leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing “I'm a believer,” but then I saw her face.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
It's punny.
My sexlife xddddddddd
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
One day, an orphan bought a boomerang. He threw it, and it didn’t come back.
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
Why is the sun lit?
Because it has much solar.
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.