Worst Jokes Ever
After a surgery, a man claimed he couldn't feel his legs. I replied, "Of course not, I amputated your fucking arms!"
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
Your mom dot com.
Hot women with big boobs work at Hooters, but where does a handicap woman work?
IHOP.
Jupiter
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
Religion
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
How do skeletons make love?
They bone each other!
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?
It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
You: Did you get the new snoo subscription?
Other: What's snoo?
You: Not much, how 'bout you?
If Martin Luther King were white, what would they call him?
Alive.
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!