Why did the boy kill his girlfriend?
Because he had a crush on her.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
Q. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
A. “I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”
I am a sheep.
How do you plan a party in space? You have to planet.
My brother and I were roughhousing and accidentally knocked over our bookshelf. My mom came in and started asking who knocked it over, to which I replied that I only had my shelf to blame.
Hey, can I axe you a question?
My brother likes to build "traps" to capture our cat so he can pet it. I said it wasn't gonna catch anyone, he replied with "not going to stop who?" I told him not to worry that it could capture any two.
What's the difference between a boy and girl? A boy always carries an average 5in "do not enter" sign.
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
Kid's uncle: "Your mum said you can have your friends round tonight! But I'm gonna have to baby sit today."
Kid: "OK THANK YOU."
(AT BED TIME)
Kid: "Please may you stop touching my leg BEN!"
Ben: "I'm not."
(Turns light on) Kid: "UNCLEEEEE STOP SPILLING MILK OVER ME!!!"
Q: Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to the countryside?
A: There’s no signal.
What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.
Why did the baseball player go to jail?
Because he stole first base.
The only reason Stephen Hawking died was because he saw the end.
"Hay, can you help me to her on..." No, that is gross. I meant my car.
Why did I shoot my dog?
Because it pissed me offff! Ahhhhhahahahahahahahahaha! 👌👌😎
Yesnt.
According to all known laws of aviation,
there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway
because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
Barry! Breakfast is ready!
Coming!
Hang on a second.
Hello?
- Barry? - Adam?
- Can you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.
Looking sharp.
Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.
Sorry. I'm excited.
Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.
A perfect report card, all B's.
Very proud.
Ma! I got a thing going here.
- You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!
- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!
Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Heehheehehehehehehe
To get to the other side. Ahaahahahahahahahahahahaa!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣
I was at a milk store and ordered some milk.
They brought it over but spilled it on me.
I said that was a udder failure!
