My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked my mom how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your new stepfather."
The Chinese food owner always brings us free food. I ask my sister why he does that. My sister said, "Love him long time."
I ask my sister why the Chinese owner brings us free food all the time.
My sister said to me "I love him long time."
My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
Josh Hemus - follow him on Instagram @joshhemus
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
How do ducks fart?
Out their butt, quack.
What's the difference between Madlen Makan and Stephen Hawking?
Nothing, they're both dead.
I'm doing something Stephen Hawking can't do... pressing "I'm not a robot."
I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*
Did you know that lots of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
Did you know that a lot of graves are put in churchyards?
Yeah, they're pretty holey.
I think if the center of the earth froze, it would be pretty hard core.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
“Wills”
Are they a dead giveaway!
What do big fat male cows have?
Moobs.
Your name is so damn retarded you got sent to the animal farm.
A twin engine has two engines.
If one engine stops, the other will have just enough power to get the plane to the scene of the accident.
