Worst Jokes Ever

What is the difference between babies and dogs?

I don't eat dog parts.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

How are babies and watermelons similar?

They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.

How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?

With a blender.

An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.

"I will see her in one week!"

A week later, he died.

I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"

I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.

A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be DYING to get in there.

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I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.

The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.

What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?

A zom-BEE.

What do you do to 7 to make it even? Take off the "s".

My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.

Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.

Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!

Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.