How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
Daughter: Where was I born?
Dad: Alabama.
Daughter: That is nice.
Mum: We have never been to Alabama.
Dad: RUN!
Literally no one: Why can't you hear the pterodactyl?
Random person: I don't know.
No one: BECAUSE THEY ARE EXTINCT!
Random person: Ha, cool, I guess.
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
Son: Dad, why did you name my sister Paris?
Dad: Because she was made there.
Son: Thanks, Dad.
Dad: You're welcome, Backseat.
Boy, look at your hair. It be looking like the McDonald's symbol.
Girl: Mom, meet my boyfriend.
Mom: Meet my boyfriend.
Girl's boyfriend: Dad, is that you? Are you back from the supermarket with milk?
Mom's boyfriend: Uh, gtg.
There are millions of people in the world, yet you are here.
Your mum's so fat that when she goes to KFC, they run out of stock of chicken.
So many bots commenting so fúcking fix it!
I’d make a joke to Fetty Wap on this, but there’s only a 50/50 chance he’ll SEE this.
What do you call an orphan with no legs in an adoption center?
Answer: Who cares?
How do you drown a Blonde? You put a scratch and sniff sticker in a pool.
What do you call a flying sheep?
A muttonbird.
What do you call a sheep with wings?
What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.
We’ll be back.
12/8?
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jill could whack off Jack. Jill yelled out, "Jack, where is your sack?"
Said, "I'm not Jack, I'm your friend Nancy."
