Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.
A treatment joke.
People often ask me what I would do for a Klondike bar. Well, I'd straight up put 5 hijackers on Flight 175 before it departed from Logan Airport at 8:14 a.m. on September 11, 2001.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
When a Muslim dies, he gets 72 virgins.
It's the same thing with priests, except the virgins are children.
My marriage was on the rocks, so I buried my wife under some.
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
My wife is not only gone like gonorrhea, she is also gone because of my (and now her) gonorrhea.
I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.
All the lines on the LGBT flag are straight.
Over summer, I shot up my school and left a note saying, "I could have done this anytime!"
Lol, I keep stealing my dad's medication money, and the best part is he never remembers.
Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?
A: A few weeks.
"Doin' doin' your mom, doin' doin' your mom."
I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song, cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mom.
She’s so therapeutic.
When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed!
And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.
