Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
What do you call a lazy piece of meat?
A meatloaf.
What do you call an iPhone put into a smoothie maker?--An Apple smoothie.
Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?
He was all right.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
Man, I love this joke: Women's rights.
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
Why did Helen Keller burn her hands?
Because she was trying to read the waffle iron.
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A schoolbus full of children
Your nan's bald.
Kid: What is between mom's legs?
Dad: Paradise.
Kid: What's between your legs?
Dad: The key to paradise.
Kid: Well, you better change the lock, the neighbor has the key to.
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?
Hop in!
Poopies in my undies.
What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?
A fossil.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
What's black and white and hard as nails? A nun on speed!
If I get an atom, I would split it with you.
