Yo mama so fat that when she sat on the couch, the couch got destroyed.
Scree.
Molly Burke and her mom were on a walk. Molly walked into a bar; her mom laughed and walked under it.
What's black and white and red all over?
A police brutality case.
Why did Sally fall off of the swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
Not Sally.
Hey, watch me eat this African sandwich.
*Takes huge bite of air.*
Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.
What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.
Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.
Your adopted.
My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn't ketchup. So we switched to cheeseburgers, but I still couldn't mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through.
So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn't seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn't digest the stress, I guess! :D
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
Is Stephen Hawking under warranty? If so, can I bring him back to Currys PC World?
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
What did one butt cheek say to the other? “Between you and me, it stinks in here!”
Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?
He mist.
Why did the Chicken cross the road? You:Why? To get to the little b***h's house! Knock knock! You:Who's there? The chicken (this is more like a roast and a pun lol)
Why is a nun called a nun?
'Cause they ain't supposed to get none ;)
Your a big Z
