Worst Jokes Ever

Hi guys, I am so happy and proud of myself and I thought I should share with you! Today I saw myself on TV when I turned it off.

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone, and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

Doin' ya mom oh yeah oh yeah, doin' doin' ya mom!

What did the female dog say to the mirror?

Hi, bitch!

Girlfriend: I just lost 5 pounds!

Me: How many makeup wipes did you need?

What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She choked.

Uranus is huge.

Boner.

Kenya believe it?

Why did Steven Hawkins die?

Because he got a virus.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His computer got a virus.

What do you call a mom that is yours?

Your mom!

My wife said I acted like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.

Hello.

We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.

I am mis-steak.

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

The trom-bone.

Wanna see something dark?

Close your eyes.