Worst Jokes Ever

Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.

I got an orphan an iPhone 6. I told him to press the home button. He has been doing it all day.

"Welcome to Mama Mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last week's loss is this week's sauce."

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."

What is an orphan's favorite movie?

Home Alone.

Average Kid: brings mp3 to school.

Rich Kid: Brings mp4 to school.

Quiet Kid: Brings an mp5.

Nosy.

What is the difference between a cow and me?

Nothing.

Ok, I put one penny down. Do you smell anything?

1 scent.

I put two pennies down. Do you see any fruit?

2 pears.

I put three pennies down. Do you see any law enforcement?

3 coppers.

I put four pennies down. Do you see any cars?

4 Lincolns.

I put five pennies down. Do you see any pussies?

NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT!

What can hold anything on the moon? A crater.

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.

My mom told me that drugs are my enemies... But Jesus said to love my enemies.

What's worse than having ants in your pants?

Uncles.

What type of cake can orphans not have?

Homemade.

What do you call a bunch of microcephalics in a swimming pool?

Vegetable soup.

Throw a plate.

It’s broken, right?

Say “sorry” to it.

Did it fix back?

No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)

Did you know that dogs started the street craps game?

Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.

What did one ghost say to another ghost?

"You're boo-tiful!"