Worst Jokes Ever
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
Comment on this if you are somewhat like me: depressed, single, gay, and act like you're not burning inside.
Yo mama so dumb, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!
You know what I hate about rape?
Keeping it a secret.
It's not rape if you're both crying.
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
Yo momma's so skinny that even Flat Stanley gets jealous!
Yo momma's so old that even scientists get baffled about where she lived before Earth was created.
Yo momma's so fat that she plays pool with planets.
Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.
Yo momma's so fat that she got married to diabetes!