Worst Jokes Ever
Friend: Ooo, I see Jessica.
Me: Nice.
Friend: She got some red on her shirt.
Me: Yeah, that's where the Titanic hit her :///
What do you call a male cow that snores?
A “Bull Dozer”.
Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.
One day I was on my phone, then I got a text message from my girlfriend, "Hey, sexy boy, wanna hang out tonight if you know what I mean...?" Then I just stopped and froze. I read the message. I said, "Yeah, sure..." She replied really fast, "There's going to be a few people there, ok." But I didn't read the next message... She said, "Come right at 12:00 AM." But I didn't read it. I walked into her house, but I heard a strange noise like a moaning noise, and it sounded like HER!! So I hid behind the couch, and I looked through the open door and saw something I didn't want to see... Like for part 2 and comment if you want me to make another!!
Doin (DYM 49).
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.
Your Friend: Bro, I'm having a movie sleepover tonight. I've invited 17 people, wanna come?
You: Yeah, but why so many people?
Your Friend: Because the DVD says only 18+ viewers.
You: Dude!!!!
Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.
If you go broke, you could always rent parking garages on your huge ass forehead.
SHUT UP EVERYBODY!
How many children does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
One has a home.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find their way home.
A man went into a library to get a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "No, you won't bring it back."
You can't say Hitler was a bad person. He did kill Hitler after all.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Person 1: Wasn’t Stephen Hawking on X Factor?
Person 2: No, why would he be on X Factor?
Person 1: For dancing.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"