Q. What's long, hard, and scary when you first see it?
A. Calculus homework.
Q: Why did the cat get arrested?
A: He was caught littering.
Women: Can I have your number?
Jesus: No.
Women: Why? Are you scared?
Jesus: No. Just when you wanna talk, just pray.
Girl: Rip, mother, I love you.
Me: Sorry for your loss.
Girl: Stop, I have a boyfriend.
Me: Stop, I have a mother.
This girl called me cute, and I told her don’t call me that. She says why, I told her, “Bitch, call me the Hokage!”
Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?
Because they train at the best school.
This kid lost Kahoot, so he shot up the school.
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered three pepperoni pizzas and one came plain, the other came late, and the other one went to the wrong address.
Why did my mouth say no to butt? Because that would be too much sex.
The last number of your like is the Amogus you get.
1: Amogus trollface
2: Frogus
3: Amogus in 2013
4: Chogus
5: Classic Amogus
6: Wait this isn't Amogus
7: Amogus drip
8: Amog sus
9: Amog stuff
What’s the difference between a computer and Paul Walker? I give a crap when my computer crashes.
Why can't you kill a depressed person?
Because they are already dead inside.
Drawers!
What type of phones do orphans have...
Iphone xr -it has no home button
What did the phone receptionist at the suicide hotline tell the callers?
Hang in there!
Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."
Would you rather watch PL or suck a dick?
Adapt: lemme fart on that dick.
Kid to daddy: "Why do they call it Uranus?"
Daddy to kid: "Cause, son, it's Uranus."
Yo mama so fat, when she landed on the earth, the earth cracked like eggs. LOL.
