I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
Teacher: Why were you late?
Me: Traffic.
Teacher: Did I did it?
Me: Did I even blame it on you?
Ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? That’s what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.
Science flies you to the moon, while religion flies you into two towers.
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
What's long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
Why do orphans have criminal records?
So they can be wanted.
What do priests and doctors have in common?
They both do physicals on kids.
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
Why don’t orphans like baseball?
They have no home to run to.
Your hairline is so far back it became a case.
Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.
If Sakura's head looks like earth, then her hairline has to look like the Milky Way.
What’s black and long?
The Chick-fil-A line.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
The grass tickles their balls.
Twin Towers are like genders, there used to be 2.
What did mum say when grandpa called?
Boomerang.
Q: What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
A: A family picture.
