Worst Jokes Ever

I saw a robbery at the Apple store.

Am I an iWitness?

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella," but he hesitated.

What happened to the guy who tried to catch fog?

He mist.

I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.

Guess what song this is from:

"I'll cut you into little bitty pieces,

Or freeze you till your blood runs cold,

Or stab your till' you heart stops pumping.

I'm here to realize your wish from what I'm told."

Caca.

Once in 4th grade, right now, I told a random tree, "Hey, my day is bad right now, can we hang later?"

The tree said: "Yeah, we are going to be hanging every day :) !!! If you can last :)"

I tried to have phone sex once.

But the holes were too small.

A sandwich walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

So I walk into a bar, and there’s people waiting in line to punch me in the face.

That’s the punch line.

So, I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company.

Everyone is mad, but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.

What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?

One is Super. The other is just soup.

Why can't an orphan have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy."

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

What do a Family Dollar and an orphan have in common? They both have a "f" in "family."

I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

I always knew that Maranda Sings was orbiting Uranus.

How come your sister is hotter than you? Funny, huh?

When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."

Why did the female orphan become a prostitute?

Because she wanted someone to call "daddy".