Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy.
You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
Worst Jokes Ever
If a girl says no twice 🤔.
Mathematically that’s a yes, so you’re good to go!
You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?
A puppy, you dirty monkey!
Joe mama is Joe mama (your mother) LMAO!
There was a house with a three-story building.
The first one had Mexicans.
The second one had Africans.
The third one had white people.
An earthquake came.
But who did survive?
The white family because they were at work.
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant woman?
A Kinder Joy.
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
Why does the cannibal village not exist anymore?
They all ate each other.
What can't an orphan spell?
Home.
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
What is the best way to get gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
The Stigg and his fake ass life.
How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
