When did Jesus die?
On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.
What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?
It’s a bumper team.
- I work with animals - Great! What job? - A butcher
I saw a kid in a wheelchair and he was getting bullied. I said "stand up for yourself"
In my mother's generation, they grew up with Wonder Woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she's a woman.
What did grant say? Im gay
Why do pedophiles come in last place for every race... because they are always in the back (if you know what I mean)?
The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the World Trade Center.
Its to long sorry >:)
Why does Batman only wear black?
Because he's emo!
What do you call a dipshit?
A Charlie.
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
What is an orphan's least liked meal? Family dinner.
Dad: Honey!
Mom: What?
Dad: All of the broken condoms are on the bed.
Mom: WHAT!?
Children: *staring*
knock knock - whos there ? smell mop -- smell mop who----
Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!
Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, It only went halfway
Why are New Yorkers so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers!
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.
The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."
God busted out laughing and let him in.
The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."
God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."
You look at it. You tug on it like a shoe string. You play with it like elastic bubble plastic, but it still never grows.
