What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Orphans don't get picked.
Worst Jokes Ever
I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.
Jesus, that's sick.
Where has God existed outside of a man's awareness of him?
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."
Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What do the Nicaraguan Contras, Crips, and Crack have in common? The CIA.
He had the curse of vanishing.
Dear clothing websites, if it's out of stock, DO NOT ADVERTISE IT!
Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why is America bad at Clash Royale?
Because they can't defend their towers.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they can't go home.
What is an emo's favorite movie?
The Suicide Squad.
What makes emos jump?
Bridges.
What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?
At least the mistake was loved.
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.
