Hi, are you even my sister?
Yes, I am.
No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.
What do you call a retard that got hit by a car? Mashed potatoes.
Why does the retard not like eating his vegetables? Because he knows not to be a cannibal, he knows somehow.
Little Johnny has no arms. Knock, knock, who's there?
Not Johnny.
Yo mama so fat, even Dora couldn't explore her.
Yo mama so stupid. She thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.
What is the difference between Jesus and a painting of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang a painting.
When I was born, I saw you at the adoption center alone.
That day your dad got milk. 😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬😬
What does an apple have in common with an emo kid?
Answer: They both hang.
What are a doctor's and a WWE fighter's ideas on child abuse?
Doctor's: Don't do it, it does not help. Mood behavior.
WWE fighters: If it can crawl, it can brawl.
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in!
Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?
That one friend: 11 - T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T.
I know 25 letters of the alphabet, but I don't know why.
Like if you laugh.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Are you my homework because I’m supposed to be doing you right now, but I’m not.
"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)