Worst Jokes Ever
My parents raised me as an only child, which really annoyed my younger sister.
Why is it so hard to choose between buying a Subaru or a Volvo? Because you’re deciding whether you want to look like a rapist or a pedophile.
Why does an orphan's year only have 363 days? Because it's missing Mother's and Father's Day.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Hangman.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
Did you hear about the guy who dipped his balls in glitter? Pretty nuts!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Who.
Who who are you? Are you an owl or something?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W. H. O.
Your hairline is so deep that we measure it in metres.
Why can’t mental hospitals have Halloween?
Because the patients thought the pumpkins were them. I tried.
I got a PS5 for my nine-year-old sister. At the time, I thought it was the best trade I’d ever made. But now I’m regretting not being able to molest her anymore.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can never get a home run. 😭
What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?
Special Forces.
The 9/11 and the Spanish flu are kind of similar.
The Spanish flu was a very dangerous flu, and in 9/11, something very dangerous flew.
Pick a number, syckkkkkkk, that’s the wrong number.
Can I get a HOYA?
Yo mama so fat, when she was telling me her weight, I thought she was telling me her number.
Yo mum's so dumb, she went to the library to find Facebook.