Worst Jokes Ever
My girlfriend said I was a ped0phi1e.
That's a big word for a 6 year old!
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Two balls sit inside a bucket. One turned to another and said, "Hey man, boing, are you sentient, too?"
The other one said, "I’m sapient, you are sentient!"
BOINGZINGA!?!
What do you call a flat-chested emo?
Why couldn’t the bike stand up? Cuz it was too tired.
Mother: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow?
Me: Leads a marching parade off the Golden Gate Bridge.
What do the N and F in "orphan" stand for?
"No family."
A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree. Which one is gonna land first?
The leaf, because the rope stops the emo kid.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
Son: Dad, what's dark humor?
Dad: Do you see the guy over there with no arms?
Son: No, I'm blind.
What's the difference between a blind person and an orphan?
They both can't see their parents.
Why do orphans not know how to play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
What did the Mexican say when a house landed on him?
Esé said, “Get off me, homes!”
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
It's funny how you feel so alone with depression, and yet once you tell people on some random website, so many people relate. Unfortunately, it doesn't stop the loneliness.
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?
They go to infinity and beyond.
Where do orphans shop?
Home Bargains.