I started crying when Dad started cutting onions.
Onions was a good dog.
What has two wings and a halo?
A Chinese telephone. (Wing, wing, halo.)
What does the mom (or terrorists, fuck that) say for the (twin) towers to eat?
Open wide, here comes the plane!
He is so fast that he broke the internet for the whole world when he ran.
LewenGOALski
Your mum is so stupid, when she went on your phone it got fat.
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
"What's the wifi password?"
"121i362"
"It's not working."
"What wifi are you trying to connect to?"
"The United Airline."
"We're in the World Trade Center, though."
Today I feel Qatari. Today I feel Arab. Today I feel African. Today I feel gay. Today I feel disabled. Today I feel a migrant worker.
If I were alone on an island with Camilla Cabello, and we were never going to escape, I'd rape her. I mean, what is she going to do? Tell someone?
How do you put an end to MeToo? Just fill those combined showers with transgender women.
What's the difference between what Bill Cosby did and what OJ Simpson did? OJ Simpson's victims actually suffered and I actually feel bad for them (the boyfriend at least).
Why do orphans go to church?
They have someone to call "father" there.
What is a family photo to an orphan?
A selfie.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
I'm worth something, I got a barcode on my arm!
Why can’t fish play basketball?
'Cause they are scared of the net.
Balls are balls, aka dicks.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't hit a home run.
Why does a deaf kid always like football? He gets signed.
