New Myself Jokes - Page 3 - Worst Jokes Ever

People wear chokers, and I'm a choker too, because I tried to choke myself 6 times.

One day I went to my friend's apartment, and he told me to make myself at home.

I threw him out of the window. I hate having visitors!

Friends: "You wanna hang with us?"

Me: "No, I wanna hang myself."

You learn from the best.

Tried committing suicide last night...

Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!

Sometimes I look back at everything bad I have done. I tell myself it's ok, they're just telling me to keep myself safe :)

That's it, it wasn't a joke.

Did you hear about the terrorist comedian?

He was actually quite funny...

He just blew the delivery.

(I'll show myself out).

Someone said to stop hurting myself, but I'm still trying to cut my arms off.

Roses are red,

I don't know what is brass.

I tell myself,

"Don't touch grass."

Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.

I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.

I made this up.

I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.

Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."

Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”

Kid: “Whatever!”

Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”

Kid: “Doesn't matter!”

Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”

Kid: “Oh well!”

Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”

Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”

MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.

Every time someone calls me fat I get so depressed I cut myself...

A piece of cake.

The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.

This is the account of music provider just let you I post for the enjoyment of myself, and to spread different kinds and types of music willingly. I do not respond for the soul reason of ✨people✨ and do not take offense to anything that I post. If you have and issues or just wanna talk contact me i'm only discord so that's all you getting (not being rude) ill put my discord in the comments.

I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.