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The person next to me on my flight was shocked when they found out I was Arabian. I lagged so hard my gerber almost fell out of my pocket.

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

I'll never forget my mother's last words: "What are you doing with that sledgehammer?"

My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

  • 0

    • Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.

    My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^

    Pontypool is rough.

    I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3

    My grandfather says I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

  • 6

    • When I was in high school, me and my friends would play with this girl who had Down syndrome.

    We would get into a circle around her and say, "Nightmare, nightmare!"

  • 2

    • Woman one: "I got so mad at my GPS today that I told it to go to hell!"

    Woman two: "Did that work?"

    Woman one: "Well, it took me to my in-laws’ house."