My jokes

What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha

I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.

Patient: “Doctor, my bottom hurts.”

Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?”

Patient: “Right around the entrance.”

Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance, it will hurt.”

I hate family reunions.

I see too many of my ex's there.

Sometimes I feel ugly, then I think of my sister and feel better.

Your forehead is too big. I can see my future when it shines.

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...

What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?

Nothing, they both stain.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...

My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

Someone stole my grass today. I went to the police, and they said: "What's wrong?" I said, "How could you tell something was wrong?" They replied, "You were looking forlorn."

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Toto is at school and asks if he can go to the bathroom. The teacher says no.

Then, she asks Toto, “Where is the biggest river in the world?”

“Under my bench,” he replies.

Me and my stepmom went into the forest.

I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.

So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!