My jokes

The Queen: "I've had a few medical problems this year. I'm so old that my pussy is haunted!"

On my signal, I would like you to drive onto the pavement (sidewalk) and run over my ex-wife.

What’s up with the foot feet?

What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.

Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.

One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:

Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.

Admins, if you are seeing this, please look in the comments of https://worstjokesever.com/jokes/5d521e61d3e53a06d27bc361/why-are-you-censoring-my-friend-franz.

I'm sorry.

"Discuss the synopsis of this poem: My Friend Billy Has A Ten-Foot Willy."

So an orphan goes to the store and gets a bunch of cartons of milk.

The cashier goes, "Woah, why so much?"

The orphan goes, "My dad never came back with the milk, so, well, here we are!"

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

Let's say I was immortal. No matter what I did, I would be alive. But, the catch is I’m the least flexible and least strong person in the world.

Now, I get my head chopped off. What would I do? I would roll over to my headless body and figure out what it's like to suck my own dick.

Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?

I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.

Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.

Thank you, nurse!

One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.

She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.

A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"

I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."

Karens yell, I scream, my mum fucks me.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

My mind was blown when I saw all the people waving at me.

-JFK