My jokes

Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Asdf movie: meow meow I’m a cow.

Me to my villagers in Minecraft: chick chick my guns cocked so frick.

Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

My dad left me, lol.

Hi guys, so today I have not thought of a joke, and I'm not really sure what to do, so I thought I would do kinda a blog sort of thing, so hope you enjoy, and you don't have to read this!

So I woke up this morning and heard this weird noise, and it was my dad building me a new gymnastics bar so I can have uneven bars, which I am so excited about! And I am so glad that you guys have been nice and liking my jokes and stuff, but also, make sure to comment below if you want to tell me what kind of jokes you want and what you want me to do, and also, feel free to talk to me! Love y'all!!!

"Hipity hopity, get the f*ck off my property!"

I popped some fireworks and told my Vietnamese grandfather that World War 3 started.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed my friend who was on LSD. "I See a Dreamer."

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"

And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"

Overall, I'd say my career as a photographer has been a bit of a blur.

What do you call pasta that’s made by a skeleton? A CREEPYpasta! (It’s my first one, lol)

It's hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.

I would like to tell you the name of a song I showed to my friend who had an overdose of LSD.

I see a dreamer.