Music jokes
A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."
What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?
A juice box...
A man walks into a bar with his pet octopus and proudly claims the animal can play any musical instrument. The bartender pulls out a guitar from behind the bar and gives it to the octopus, which plays an amazing solo. Just then a Scotsman walks into the bar with a set of bagpipes. The octopus grabs the instrument and wrestles around with it on the ground, flailing about, making a horrible sound. The bartender says, "Hey, looks like he can't play that!" and the octopus says, "Play it? As soon as I get it's pajamas off, I'm gonna fuck it!"
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.
Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.
Memes
What songs do people with no arms listen to?
None, 'cause they can’t press play.
Imagine Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady but could not stand up.
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.
Why did Michael Jackson rush to H&M?
They had new Billie Jeans!
Why did Michael Jackson decide to sell the ranch?
Because it was over 10 years old.
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
What does Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They're both turned on by kids.
The irony of metal jokes is pretty fun. But it leads to a lot of people stealing them.
Why was Michael Jackson fired as a guitar teacher?
Because he fingered a minor.
What's black, gold, and red all over?
Tupac in Vegas.
Roses are red, violets are blue, my heart is dead, I'm such a fool. -Juice Wrld
What's long and not very hairy?
The conga line at the cancer department.
What's white and comes in little cans?
Michael Jackson.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument? The exylo-bone!