Music jokes
What song does an orphan hate?
"We Are Family."
How do you make a tissue dance?
You give it a little boogie.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies? Windows plays the shutdown music.
I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.
KA-DOOM-CHA!
What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?
A Cake By The Ocean.
Memes
You other brothers can’t deny that she’s fly.
Me: September is here!
[Labor Day comes]
Also me (ft. Green Day): “Wake me up when September ends!”
Why did the rapper bring a vacuum to the concert?
So the haters could SUCK on him!
How does a rapper keep track of time?
With his rhyming watch!
What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?
Jay-Z and B.
What’s a rapper’s favorite computer key?
The space bar... it lets them space out their rhymes!
What do you call a rapper who can’t rhyme?
A speech impediment.
Why did the rapper apologize to the sidewalk?
He didn’t mean to SPIT that hard.
What’s a rapper’s favorite kind of SODA?
Dr. Dre Pepper.
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.
Oh God By Dixie Rect.
Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
A nun went to the pub and ordered a gin. The bartender said to her, "I thought nuns weren’t allowed to drink?" and she said, "Not usually, but I am doing the bishop a favor."
The bartender then asked if she was coming to the music evening, and she said, "No, I am with the bishop tonight."
What's the difference between a fish and a guitar?
You can tuna guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
How do you beat Lady Gaga at Texas hold’em?
Poker face.