Mph jokes
When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,
Then the speed bump starts screaming.
What's green then red all over and goes 100mph?
A frog in a blender.
What goes 100mph and bounces up and down? A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What is red and tan and spins for about 50 mph?
A baby in a blender.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
What goes 200 mph and is red?
Babies in a blender.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
How did Helen Keller lose her arm? She tried to read the stop sign at 100 MPH.
I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!
Why can't gays drive faster than 68 mph?
Because at 69 they blow a rod.
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
Son: Yo dawg, tell me a story.
Dad: Y'all motherfuckers ain't gon' believe dis shit, so there was dis fairy aight, she had wings, so she flys into a KFC, and comes out with wings, chicken wings.
Also, why did Hawking try to walk across the road? His wheelchair only goes 1 mph, so he got hit by a bus.
Why did the wall fall over?
A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
The reason your dad never came back with the milk is 'cause he ran 88 mph downhill.
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."