Mother

Mother jokes

Keyboard

    • Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.

    About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."

    Mom asked, "Why?"

    Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."

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    • Son

    • I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

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    • Adoption

    • A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”

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    • Mum

    • My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.

    I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

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    • Mother memes

    Orphan

    • Wanna know something the orphan could never do?

    Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.

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    • Breakfast

    • Today, my mother was making breakfast. As she was tired, my brother asked if there was anything to do today.

    She responded with a list:

    - Take out the trash.

    - Clean your room.

    - Make lunch and be sure to butter the electrical sockets.

    That’s all sweetie!

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    • Song

    • My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?

    Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.

    Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.

    Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-

    Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.

    Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?

    Family

    • Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

    Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

    Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

    The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

    Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

    Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

    Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

    Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

    This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

    Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

    The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

    "My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

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    • Year

    • "Your mother has been with us for 20 years," said John. "Isn’t it time she got a place of her own?"

    "My mother?" replied Helen. "I thought she was your mother."

    Robber

    • Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!

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    • Seed

    • A little girl asks her mum, "Mummy how was I born?"

    Her mother smiled and replied: "Once upon a time, your daddy and I decided to plant a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the earth, and I took care of it every single day."

    "The seed slowly grew more and more leaves, and in a few months it turned into a beautiful, healthy plant. So me and Daddy took the plant, dried it, smoked it and got so high that we fucked without a condom!"

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    • Kid

    • Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.

    Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!

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