What is the best type of snake?
A dead one.
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
My girlfiends a porn star
She kill me if she found out
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply "Nothing, nothing! we're just uh, making cake" and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells "Get out! were making cake!" So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!" and she replies "OMG! Howd you know!?!?" and Johnny replies "Because, I licked the icing off the couch" ayyyyyy.
What's the difference between a black & a white fairy tail? White begins, "Once upon a time..." Black begins, " Yall mutherfuckers aint gonna believe dis shit"
A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The Bartender asks him why And the Pirate says: Argh, It's driving me nuts.
Incest is wincest
Why are the twin towers mad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza but all they got was plain.
A little boy was given a bicycle and a soccer ball for his birthday, but why was the little boy unhappy?
Because the little boy had no legs.
Papa: Johnny Johnny Johnny: Yes Papa? Papa: Open wide Johnny: HAHAHA Papa: *unzips pants* Johnny: *crying* No Papa
Do you know why the Royal family can no longer play monopoly?
How do you think Princess Diana died?
...Too soon?
Q:What is red white and blue and fun to watch? A: a cop car rolling over after tryong to catch for speeding
How did the Hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her sons dick tasted funny.
Who are the fastest readers of all time?
People who jumped out of the twin towers. Why? Because they went through 13 stories within 5 seconds.
Hookers are like drive thrus you tell them what you want, pay for your shit, and leave
Whats the difference between an ISIS militant base and a pakistani childrens school?
I dont know, i just fly the drone.
What's a perfect example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
what do you call a burning church?
Holy Smokes
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike.
Runover.
What's brown and rather bad for your dental health? -A baseball bat
